What's on your holiday wishlist?
My holiday wish list? Not that vast.
Though I've spotted something new that I want.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix on DVD!
I also want a new MP3 player. Something that can hold more than 80-100 of my 3-20 minute long songs.
Other than that? This shirt, this
shirt, this shirt, and this shirt from the xkcd webcomic store.
And, this shirt, this shirt, this shirt, and this shirt from the The Best Page In The Universe Store (Best store in the universe[Maddox])
Honestly, I'd be happy with pretty much any of 'em from the xkcd ones, but those are the funniest ones - to me - and the ones from maddox, are specific to my sense of humor, the ones that aren't linked, I wouldn't wear.
Ok. I think I left the last post with out an explanation. I think it deserves one, but I don't want to edit it, I think it needs to stay on its own.
So here's my explanation.
Ever since my gramma has died, and then everything with Mom and Ron splitting up, it's just been so hard for me to show emotion. I don't KNOW why, but it's just been building and building and building up, and it's gotten to a point where it all exploded at once in one giant eruption of anger, sadness, and just all-around unhappiness. I wanted to express my emotions in the form of a poem to try and circumvent tears. It didn't work.
But I think that I owed an explanation to anyone who reads my blog.
Thanks,
-David
Hey. Long time since I've posted. Extremely long.
I really want to start posting more, but I am not going to write very much right now.
For now, I'm just posting a poem that I wrote today.
My emotions are finally catching up with me, and this poem is an attempt to express them in words.
I just want it to be normal.
I wish it all never happened.
I wish it were all just a bad dream,
and that in the morning,
I can wake up and things will be great again.
Nothing will have changed, except perhaps the day,
and all things would be happy, joyous, and lacking in stress.
It’s too much to wish for,
And I’m sure it seems more like a fairy tale dream,
but I wish I were just a kid again,
worry free, perfectly happy,
always content, and not concerned with the future.
But those days can never come back to me,
and that’s a truly scary thought.
A thought that fills me with dread, and fear.
Dread of the future,
and what may be to come.
Fear of the future,
And what I don’t know for sure.
Nostalgia,
wreaks havoc in my life,
wreaks havoc in my mind,
wreaks havoc in my heart.
I wish that things were like they used to be,
when I would cry,
and would always have someone there for me,
but now it seems like I’m all alone,
even though I’m not.
I’m not alone,
but I still wish things were normal,
and I wish that none of this ever happened,
that I was never a part of it,
and I wish that I were happy again.
Well, it's another few days gone by since I posted last.
My grandmother's memorial was held on Saturday, September 15th, and her burial was Friday the 14th.
School is, well, school is school. It's quite boring. I've decided that planning 10 (required course for graduation) is a retarded course. We don't really learn anything in there, except I've learned the graduation requirements by heart. Hmph. Not like those matter to me anyway, I'll be exceeding those requirements to go onto university anyway, so I don't care about grad requirements. Hehe.
I think that I'll be taking Information Technology (a computer course) next year. Looking forward to that. Wanted to take it this year, but not enough people signed up for it.
Anyway, I just got back from visiting mumpy. She choked on her own spit while we were there, it's obvious she's going downhill though. It took her a good five minutes to regain control of her breathing and coughing after that.
I JUST got a phone call from Mr. Jones, I've got a babysitting job tomorrow night from around 5:45-11:00 pm.
Not the best paying job, but hey $5.00 an hour to sit around and play cars and trains with a kid who's not terribly obnoxious? Hey, that's cool.
And, Jacob's disabled too, so that looks good on my record or whatever for me to have babysat a disabled child.
Set up my appointment for pamidronate for next week, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Also have a bone density coming up, hopefully that will be done sometime around the time I'm getting pamidronate, so that I nail two birds with one stone.
I've been writing a lot, and have a few pages of a story written already. I don't have a title for the story, but it's a fantasy based in a medieval setting. Haven't been working on it so much the last few days, but before all this with my gramma being sick and then recently passing away, I had been writing a lot. It's entertaining.
Oh, hey, I almost forgot. My 16th birthday came and went, on the 13th. Yay! I can now go take the written test for driving - at any point in time - and if (which I will) I pass it with 80% or better, I get my "L" or Learner's License for driving. Yay!
Also got over $100 for my birthday, a new hoody, a couple of shirts, and a backpack. Not tons of presents, but I like em all the same. Oh a hat too, from my mom's friend Ken. He's commented on my blog here a couple times.
Anyway, that's all I really have to say, except I added a couple pictures of me in my pajama pants today, because it was "pajama day" at school. Sad eh? We're in highschool and we're still doing that kind of thing!
But now I really am done talking. Talk to you later,
-David
Pretty straight forward for any who follow my blog. My grandmother died last night. We've been sort of expecting this for a few days now.
She had pneumonia so they decided to take her breathing tube out, and her oxygen levels decreased gradually through yesterday and last night.
Apparently my family had been there at the hospital, taking it in turns to watch her and be with her, and at around 4:15 in the morning, she went to sleep, and never woke up. She died. A painless death thankfully.
I'm sort of numb right now. Not feeling any pain. It was very hard for me to cope with on the day I found out that she was expected to die, I suppose because I didn't see it coming, and had to say goodbye to her. Well, I didn't have to, but I chose to. Anyway, so today, it was still a shock, but it wasn't unexpected. I'd been waiting for the phone call since we found out. Each time I got a call from my aunt or my dad or my sister, I expected it to be "Gramma died."
But until today, nothing. Then at around 7ish in the morning, my aunt called looking for a way to contact my step dad so that she could tell him to come home and talk to me and tell me what happened.
So, he did. He told me, and I thought that I would cry, but I didn't. No tears have been shed over my grandmother since the night I said my goodbyes to her.
I feel sad I guess, well no I don't guess, I know I do. But it's not really affecting me. And I also feel angry. Not really at anything specific, except that I hadn't gotten to see my grandmother more than I did, and at not being able to say more to her when I said goodbye than I did.
A little less than three years ago, my other grandmother - my mom's mom - died as well. I barely shed tears that night either. I'd cried a little when I found out she had cancer, and a little the night she died. But it seems that my emotions tend to stay inside even if I want to be able to voice them - well, I can voice them obviously because I'm writing them here for the world to see - but I'd like to be able to cry when I feel sad like this.
I don't know why. I'm just not really able to cry for the moment. Maybe I'll be able to shed some tears later tonight, or perhaps even just in a few minutes. Maybe my emotion and ability to cry will be finally triggered by the right thought of my grandmother, or maybe it won't happen until I'm able to understand this feeling more.
I'm just really confused about how I feel right now, and why I don't shed tears very often about this sort of thing.
I think that it helps me some to write this where people have the option to read and find out how I feel, but at the same time, I'm not forcing my feelings on other people to hear me whine and moan and theorize about why I feel the way I do, this way it's optional for people to read it or not, and I still get my feelings out there and voiced.
Anyway, that's all I really feel like saying for now. If I feel like it, I might add some other literary works dedicated to my grandmother later. But for now, this is it.
Thanks for reading, if you did.
-David
Hey to anyone who chooses to read this.
Not a lot been going on lately. Been back to school for like a week now. Nothing too exciting there. Except my socials teacher Mr. Nelson is pretty much insane. He's quite a funny guy, and he also likes to climb things. He climbed from his stool, to his desk, to a filing cabinet, to another filing cabinet just to hang up a plant!
I'm pretty sure I've got it set up to do my speech at the next grade meeting. Not sure if I said that before or not.
Anyway, my grandma hasn't died yet. At first, she actually showed a little tiny bit of improvement, but then she stopped improving. She's also in restraints because she was trying to take her tubes out herself and stuff, but the doctors wouldn't let her so they put her in restraints in her bed. She was pretty upset about that from what I hear. She's still not able to talk either. I haven't talked to her on the phone since the other night, I haven't felt the need to. If she gets to a point where she's able to respond verbally to what I say I might consider talking, but right now no. I said what I felt I needed to, and that's more than a lot of people get.
Like to shout out to a close friend of mine as well, she'll know who she is if/when she reads this, I sympathize for her, because she too just lost her grandmother. She was from what I heard, very close to her grandmother, so she's having a rough time.
On a brighter note though, eating pizza made her feel better. :) Proof that pizza actually has medicinal/healing qualities!
Been listening to a couple of new bands lately, well they're not new, but they're bands that I never listened to before, though they're quite well known. My Chemical Romance, and Alexisonfire. Both have their pros and cons, but I like some of their songs so I listen to it obviously. :)
Anyhow, I suppose that's all I really have to say for the time being. Oh, wait, no it's not.
My mom is in LA right now, at a computer convention there. She went there to meet new people who she can interview for her podcast. Her podcast can be found here.
That's really all I have to say now. Have a good one!
-David.
Which foods do you eat a lot of? Too much of?
Submitted by Allishandra.
I eat WAY too much pasta. Spaghetti, Swedish Meatballs with pasta, pasta and bacon, and lasagna are my favorites. I always overeat when I have any of those.
Also, ice cream. When I have a kind that I like, I eat probably twice as much as my parents eat. Although they don't eat very much, I still eat more than I probably should. But it's sooooo good!
Anyway, that's it.
-David
Well, tomorrow's back to school. I'm not really looking forward to that. I don't mind school really, I just wish it was more of an option. I also wish summer were longer. But oh well, right? I may or may not have to make a speech in front of the school addressing my brittle bones. I don't like doing that, it's very scary to speak in front of so many people, but it has to be done. Of course due to new vice principals, they might not call me up, so I don't know if I will wind up doing that this year or not. If I don't do it tomorrow, I'll push for it to be done at the next grade meeting.
Life's been a bit of a bummer last couple days. My grandma (dad's mom who lives in the states) was taken to the hospital on Saturday and found out that she had some internal bleeding in her abdomen. My dad and Jeanne, as well as my sister drove to Quincy where my grandma lives and then went to the hospital to see her. The doctors performed an exploratory surgery on her, to find out where exactly the bleed was, and try to stop it, but when they did that, her heart stopped. She had died. They revived her, and brought her back, and finished the surgery. But they weren't able to stop the bleeding. It looks like she's going to die. She's at the hospital still and has tubes in her throat so she's not able to talk, but she is well aware of everything that's going on around her. I got to call last night and say my good-byes to her on the phone. That was probably the hardest thing I've ever done. I sort of wish she'd been able to respond to me, but I understand why she couldn't. At least I got to tell her I loved her and how much she meant to me. That's important. I know that I'm lucky because I got to do that, and a lot of people never do. That doesn't make it any easier though. The actors on T.V. who have to act out a scene where they're saying good bye to a loved one do not do that justice. It's so much harder. They make it seem pretty emotional, but it's worse than that when you're the one saying good bye.
Anyway, I did some writing last night when I went to bed. I'm not going to post it here just yet, I don't think I'm ready to do that.
A few days ago the lunar eclipse went on. Greg was over when that happened, and we went outside at around 1:00 in the morning to see it happen. Nothing special, and it lasted a long time. We didn't see the whole thing. I tried getting some pictures, but none really showed up very well.
I've also been to get my hair cut today! :) I needed it cut really bad! My hair gets so curly when it's too long, and I hate it! But now it's short so it's not as curly! :D I also took some pictures of myself and what not today. I'll post a picture of the moon as well as a few new ones of me on here.
-David
Well, another few days since my last post in here. Not been terribly busy these few days.
Greg was gone headed for Edmonton Alberta, but his brother got in a car accident so Greg and his parents had to come back early. That was kind of nice for me, because at least now it's a few extra days that I'm not bored for, but Greg was pretty mad about his brother wrecking. C'est la vie - if that's the correct expression - right?
Anyway, mom and Ron and I went mushroom picking on the weekend, that was fun. I got a few kind of cool pictures.
I've also got pictures from part of the ride down to my dad's to put on here as well, because I forgot my camera in the jeep when I transfered my stuff from mom and Ron's car to dad and Jeanne's car in July.
Other than that, I've got a few pictures that were taken of me randomly by my friend to add as well.
Not a whole lot else been going on really, but I figured I'd update in here anyway since I wanted to add some pictures.
Oh that reminds me, I've got some pictures that I took just today of some bees outside to add as well. So I'll start adding now.
Wooh! There's all my new pictures for the blog. Anyway, I'll talk to you later!
-David
Hey there anyone and everyone who actually reads my blog!
Once again, it's been a while since I last posted, though it hasn't been too long. I'm back home in Kitimat now, have been back since the 6th I think of August. It's good to be back and see my friends again. Also good to have all my bookmarked favorites on the interweb such as the webcomics I read frequently and such.
I'm a bit hurt though, my airsoft gun is broken now. Not sure how it broke, but it broke sometime somehow while I was in the states. Have to take it apart and try to fix it, or throw it away and get a new one. Hmm... to save money and fix it... or to be lazy and buy a new one. That's the true question.
Haven't really been doing very much though. I have just been spending my time on Facebook trying to get more friends on there than my mom. Not sure how that's working so far, but I've got a whopping whole 52 friends on there! Hah! Sad isn't it when I try and compete with my own mother for friend count on an online social networking website. Also have been frequenting Ctrl+Alt+Del webcomic and its forum there, building up my post count and such. It's entertaining when one's bored I suppose.
Other than that, I've been exploring the wonderful world of youtube, and stumbled finally upon Tay Zonday's chocolate rain video. I think I'm probably one of the last people to view it in all of my social circles. Wow. My mom didn't really like it, but I thought that his style in that particular video was kind of cool although sort of repetitive the way he says chocolate rain each time. That's sort of the point though isn't it.
Anyway, not a lot of excitement going on other than that, and what I've just written isn't even all that exciting. But I'm done writing for now. I'll talk to you all later.
-David
